I have been reading romance novels since I was 12 when one of my besties handed me a Loveswept novel somewhere on the grounds of St. Joseph’s Convent down San Fernando side. I asked her a couple of weeks ago if she still reads them so I can throw her under the bus for my corruption, and she admitted that she did. Consistency is vital in friendships.
Romance novels have come a very long way. I encountered vampire romance novels back then, and I still prefer them. I like a plot, so J.R. Ward and Sherrylin Kenyon kept me busy in graduate school. I still read them but have shifted to the “romantasy” type in the past five years or so. This sub-genre of romance includes authors like Sarah J. Maas, Kerri Maniscalco, Stephaine Garber, and Rebecca Yarros, to name just a few. In most romance novels then and now, the men are usually quiet, intelligent, brooding types, with some concerns from childhood or losses in life – but not at all violent and pretty decent. Generally, they are kind, loving, protective and supportive! The primary and straightforward formula here. I imagine that’s why “book boyfriends” are a thing nowadays.
The dark romance sub-genre, however, has me very alarmed. I’d clutch my pearls if I bothered to wear them. These books romanticize stalking, murder, kidnapping, sexual assault, pornography, and absence of consent – meaning that the women in these books are always violently threatened or emotionally and physically harmed by their eventual “loves” – who learn to resolve their “ways” after inflicting severe trauma on the women they in-turn claim to “love”. Some call these “pitch black” novels. There are major power imbalances.
Trigger warnings abound. In most dark romance books, trigger warnings tell you what to expect beforehand. If you’re worried about encountering disturbing or upsetting content (in any book, actually), make sure you read these warnings ahead of time in a database of delights: https://triggerwarningdatabase.com/
The authors of these books consider them to be just what we need:
“These books tend to dive deeper into all sorts of themes that are not necessarily ‘socially acceptable,’ at least in the mainstream. But there are plenty of people who have these fantasies. Because these themes are heavier, people go into these books already in the headspace to engage with that type of content, whereas it can be a bit more jarring to explore those kinks in a very, like, fluffy, light romance. But this is in line with the themes.” Ana Huang via https://www.npr.org.
Then again – who doesn’t want to sell at least 100,000 books? Got an idea? You can just run with it – if it works, keep churning it out and justify. Who gets hurt – responsibility is on them. No problem.
“…we think that dark romance provides a safe space to explore these darker themes and fantasies without real-world consequences. And we’re confident that readers are capable of distinguishing between fiction and reality. Ultimately, as with any genre, it’s up to individuals to decide what they’re comfortable with.” – Dipsea
Here are my concerns:
Who is reading them? Women primarily. If we look at the numbers worldwide of childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault, we are looking at a conservative estimate of about 35% of the world’s female population. That is based on reported cases – statistics generated by each country. This does not include unreported cases – the number is much higher. I have not clarified if women who have been victims of sex trafficking are included in the worldwide percentage. These numbers do not include other crimes women experience, like stalking or attempted murder and murder.
Bear with me – as a trauma therapist, I can guarantee you that many of these women are traumatized, and many are experiencing some form of dissociation. Dissociation is a spectrum disorder, and you can learn more about it here: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders/about-dissociation/
To keep it very simple – when we have negative/traumatic experiences in our lives (as early as being a newborn), our minds/personalities can hive off into separate parts to deal with the results of that terrible experience. This can happen at any age in life. When trauma occurs, be it a single incident or ongoing/chronic traumatic events, these parts can then be identified as: anger, sad, fear, abused, low self-esteem, jealousy, envy, anxiety, depression – you name it, and it can easily be a part. Parts can also be healthy: self-care, courage, charity, etc. They can show up when triggered to protect the person from engaging in dangerous behaviour, prevent them from being fully aware of a destabilizing situation – or engage in dangerous behaviour as a form of self-soothing. Again, that is not an exhaustive explanation of dissociation, but it will satisfy the requirement for this article.
Additionally, parts of the self that are fragmented over time to help protect the person, may choose to read these books despite the trigger warnings. Parts can be identified as: shame, promiscuous, fear, abuse, etc. The person then becomes triggered, falling into possible self-states of: a scared child, violent adolescent, people-pleaser, angry part, suicidal part, etc., and these states/parts can last for hours or weeks. They are furthering a cycle of anxiety, depression, shame, and self-doubt.
This is really what I’m getting at: women and girls who read these books and their parts are triggered and are disoriented to space, time, and self for long periods. Lost to us. To their friends, their families. Again, to themselves! Granted some women read these books and are fine. I do not write about them.
Who is writing these books? The best I can tell from my research is other women. As per the Goldwater Rule, I cannot diagnose any of them as none are my clients, but I wonder if they are working through their own traumas and/or simply found a way to make money and gain fame fast off the backs of those already traumatized. I do not doubt that a fair number of men read these books for depravity. Or ideas. Just because we can justify a thing does not mean that we should execute said thing. Let’s try that again: Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
How do these authors view women? How do they view children? How do they view women’s stories? As fodder for their work? Do they hold sacred women’s stories of abuse and terror? Do they scour the internet and the dark web, I suppose, for material/inspiration? Do they offer anything from their profits to NGOs that support abused, assaulted women and children?
I am not here to police what you read or shame you for it. Doesn’t really sound that way, huh? Ah well. I offer a different perspective. Yes, I know the books are fiction – but I guarantee you that many of the stories are close to or surpass reality. Can some people really discern the line between fiction and reality?
I have clients who have actively pursued the “bad boy” or “powerful man,” hoping they would feel protected. Yes, intelligent, kind women. They stayed with these men and were stunned when the behaviour was inflicted upon them. What? women think they are special in these circumstances. Strangulation, silent treatment, asking them to dress provocatively in public for other men to watch, threatening to sexually assault their own daughters, giving them credit cards and no cash (so the bank notifications would pop up and they could keep track of them – not the spending), sitting in on therapy sessions (ahem!), following them into Facebook groups – it can run the gamut.
Reality is daunting. Discernment is necessary.
Some would say this is helping victims work through their issues. I’ve yet to encounter any viable research on the topic. What I believe these books do is foster the hope that a toxic relationship is romantic and the abuser will change in the end. It gives women who have had difficult, abusive histories that they are deserving of continued abuse and what appears to be eventual acceptance and misguided “love and protection” from an abuser. It makes men believe that women are wanting and deserving of this demeaning treatment. Do not believe for one moment as a woman that you are taking power away from an abuser and returning it onto yourself by purchasing, reading, and supporting these works – there is oppression inherent in even this.
Of course, people will disagree; they will rage against this with well-articulated defenses of their choices. But, as with all things…in time.
END
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